What do you do?

I'm happy, i have many friends and loads of people around me.. people wanting to be with me (i can't understand why) and yet i still feel so alone. Ever felt like that?

I guess it's like a realisation that i'm in this thing alone, pretty much. That i still haven't found what i'm looking for.
There are safe options out there, but it's not necessarily what i want, and i wish people would stop pushing me, because it won't make any difference.

There are certain things i can't get off my mind, and believe me - i've tried. I don't know why i can't, just seem to linger like fog, but man am i good at hiding it. But every now and again it'll creep up again at night, reminding me of the past. I wonder if they get it too? Probably not.

There are people who are quite willing to just walk in and walk out when it's convinient to them, and this does get to me sometimes, also people who will change and follow the crowd, but when you're alone be a completely different person. It doesn't figure..
Surely if someone means something to someone, they'll be around, stay with you and work out any problems and resume like normal. Too much to ask?

It seems there are many judgements being passed subconsiously, assuming that someone will always be around, when really they shouldn't be so sure. Lessons are learnt. People realise (real-lies) Some people just aren't compatible, you can't force it. I've learnt that one.

I can't wait for the summer, to escape with friends.. a change of scenery, even just for a while, 'cos at the moment feel like i'm stuck in a fish bowl, going around in circles, same faces, same places. We need it sometimes though, familiarity to feel comfortable, but also need to expand, grow as people.

Apart from everything, there has been a silver lining. I've met an amazing man recently on FB. He's lovely, and we talk about anything and everything. It's a shame he doesn't live closer :( But i've always enjoyed long journeys with music, so look forward to meeting him :) It's a good thing we're both as sarcastic as eachother!