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Y'allo :)

As i mentioned in one of my recent posts i joined Match.com. I still continue to recieve emails

(of which i can't actually open). So, in a bid to find a good (and free) site, i joined one which i remembered a few of my friends joined and are still with the guys they met from there.

I was a bit skeptical about it all, but continued to be open and give it a shot. And my was i suprised. Within an hour i received many emails (which i could access) and the majority were from intellegent men that didn't type like gangstas. Result! (Y)

I can also check my mail from my mobile (mega geek i know) and check out people's photos etc. Another thing that's good about the site is that you can do advanced searches and find people living in the area. Cuts to the chase.

I've met lots of nice, interesting guys. A lot of them are older, which i like anyway.

I've met a 23yr old guy who really stands out of the crowd. Literally - He's 6'3, cute, funny and can actually hold a good conversation :) We've been talking alot and texting eachother. We both want to meet up sometime in the near future. Oxford isn't too far to see Mr P, even if we end up as friends. As they say: 'Nothing ventured - nothing gained'.

Below is the profile of someone that messaged me the other day. XD

LAUGH.LIVE.LOVE.

Feeling really happy recently. Through the recent revelations i'm still happy and just want to be there for my friends. I don't know what's made me feel this way, but i'm feeling a lot more positive - back to my usual self! :D

At this precise moment in time i wanna have some fun, do something crazy, laugh 'till i cry - which i practically was earlier thinking back on things. Wouldn't change it for the world.
Seems like everyone around me is changing and begining to be more certain of themselves, including myself, and it's awesome.

Me and a good friend of mine have decided to go hot air balooning in the summer. I'm gonna be shit scared once we hit a significant height, but we're gonna do it and get photos! XD Ah!
So many things are going to be happening, gonna be awesome, hopefully lots of others will get involved :D

Anyway, enough about summer. Here and now i'm :D A few guys have really made me laugh these past few days, t'was badly needed, so thank you! :P

Also, going to run the race for life in June with a few friends, so would be grateful if you could sponser me! :)
All funds go towards cancer research, it's something i really feel the need and want to get involved with for personal reasons.

Rhino the hamster = LEGEND

As Chris briefly mentioned on his blog (see right of this page) there was a hamster called Rhino in Bolt 3D that made the film, he was hillarious (either that or we're pretty sad?) LOL either way, we had fun!

Seems it's not only us that appreciate him, he has his own fan club XD
The original part in the movie. FULLY AWESOME!

Good (retro) times :)

Okay, cut out the last few posts, it meant nothing. it was just out of frustration and care, because if we didn't, we wouldn't bother having a go at eachother, as stubborn as we both are.

Yesterday i had a brilliant time, haven't laughed so much in ages!

Pretty eventful night, driving around trying to get Wifi around McDonalds, knocking for people, watching Bolt 3D, walking through shops with retro 3D glasses on, walking the dog and me nearly being dragged through a gravegard at night.. NOOO way. Thanks for an awesome time :) & i'm glad we sorted things. Life's too short eh, and in summer we are gonna rock it! :D

I'm happy.

Confused.com

I'm a bit like whoa.. what the hell? I really don't get it. But then again, if someone's gonna switch that easily, then what's the point in trying to understand?

Friends are not easy to come by. If you care too much, it's seen as weakness. If you're strong minded with an opinion, your cast aside because your seen as a threat. I've seen this happen many times, and all i can say is: Grow the fuck up.

Do i really have to be stoned off my face, or act like a drunken idiot to be in your 'friends catagory'. If so, then count me out. (Y)

That's all i have to say on the matter. Hope you'll come to your senses and not make me regret the previous posts more than i already am at this moment in time, but we'll see. I'm not expecting anything though.

Omfg

Curious case of benjamin. Two words. Go See. It is brilliant.. Can't actually believe how good it was, and of course the company ;)

A funny night. Got charged £10 for two bags of pick 'n' mix with literally one handful of sweets in each. We agreed to pay and learnt our lesson for the next time, and as revenge sat in the 'priority seating'. This backfired when near to the film beggining, all the lights were switched back on and the cinema dude came in and pointed us back to 'standard seating', which to be honest, i find pretty comfortable anyways, so i wasn't too bothered. Felt like a naughty school kid the way we got led away XD

If you're reading this, i had an awesome time, so thank you. :) Really cheered me up.

P.s How can everyone in the film be my mum? Huh, huh?! Cheek of it. :P

Night all!

Lullabies and dreams

I find myself in yet another situation..
All i have to say is, it takes two to tango.. and i'm sorry, but you knew how i felt :(

Here i am, getting more personal on this blog as i go along.. and to tell the truth, i'm finding it pretty strange..

Anyways, good thing. In the past few days there's a lot of things from my past i've come to terms with and managed to detach from my mind, and I couldn't feel better for it. Don't try tell me what to do, or say. Thanks (Y)

I'm considering learning to play my guitar in the summer, getting proper tutorial. It's something i've always wanted to do, but just never got around to. A brand new, unused Yamaha has been laying in my room for quite a while now, it would be a shame to just forget about it. I still laugh at how I broke the strings of my electric whilst attempting (and failing) to tune it, then took it back within minutes of purchasing it :D

Another random thing. The other day, i signed up to Match.com, out of pure curiousity and fun (like ya do) and made a profile. In no time at all i was getting winked at. 'Winking' is similar to Facebook's 'poking' system, a little note of interest.

Now, this is all well and good, but what happens when you receive mail? That i did, on numerous occassions, and still am. However, i can't check my mail. Pointless? Very much so. That is unless i decide that Match.com is the solution to all my problems and and start paying monthly! Which i can assure you will not be happening any time soon.
So, currently all that's occurring is boomerang winking. Shit much?
I did try and go back and just put my IM into my profile, but it wouldn't let me. XD

Check out this piano cover of 'Bella's lullaby' from the Twilight movie. Beautiful :)

My tribute to Twilight. This way I get to see the gorgeous Robert Pattinson all the time!

If you STILL haven't seen the film, i strongly reccomend you do so :D

Solace

Today, still the same thing as yesterday.. i'm finding a few things difficult to deal with.
I know we're close, and it's not just because we can be total idiots together, or laugh at pretty much anything. We have a connection, i think both of us are still a bit weary of admitting. We both see life from different angles than most people.. and are trying to find our way. In the mean time, yeah we've made mistakes but it's only just opened our eyes more and helped us to appreciate what's around us. We also like to feel like we make a difference to people, especially those close, 'cos well if we don't, what are we here for? Someone must care.

Am i such a bad person for missing a lot of things? It just feels such a shame to let go.. I don't want to. Looking back at the amount of amazing times, it's really overwhelming. It shaped a lot of who i am now, and others. Walking through London in the evening just in awe of everything.. Going to museums and getting in front of people's photos, just for the fun of it :) Y'know, there are so many things i wish we could still do, and i know we can.

If you're reading this, don't think i've forgotten all of that..
I care.



This is how i feel.

The weight, it must be light wherever you are..

It's been a long day.. Just literally been doing work all day, accompanied by music from Trespassers William. Truly amazing. You can see from the post below, how relaxing their music is.. it's kinda special. I'm finding solace in listening to it :)

A few assignments down, and a few more to go. Feeling a lot more positive today, although have been getting distracted a lot, i've not been bored. I believe only boring people get bored easily :P

Through eveything, i've figured out what i want.. I think it's just the feeling of being lonely, not physically being lonely, more mentally. So i guess i'm looking for someone to just come and take me away from everything.. Show me there is more than what i'm used to.

I'm going through something at the moment with a close friend which is taking me more time than i thought to adjust to. Old habits die hard.. and well, we've all been in the position where we feel confused and a bit lost, but deep down we know the decision we've made is the right one, and well, if it isn't you know not to make the same mistake next time. I'm happy with mine.
I'm one of those girls that has more guy friends than girls, and it's always been better for me. I don't want to lose any of you.

Another great song from TW.



I really can't stop listening.. I've loaded my iPod up with all their songs. Can really relate.

What do you do?

I'm happy, i have many friends and loads of people around me.. people wanting to be with me (i can't understand why) and yet i still feel so alone. Ever felt like that?

I guess it's like a realisation that i'm in this thing alone, pretty much. That i still haven't found what i'm looking for.
There are safe options out there, but it's not necessarily what i want, and i wish people would stop pushing me, because it won't make any difference.

There are certain things i can't get off my mind, and believe me - i've tried. I don't know why i can't, just seem to linger like fog, but man am i good at hiding it. But every now and again it'll creep up again at night, reminding me of the past. I wonder if they get it too? Probably not.

There are people who are quite willing to just walk in and walk out when it's convinient to them, and this does get to me sometimes, also people who will change and follow the crowd, but when you're alone be a completely different person. It doesn't figure..
Surely if someone means something to someone, they'll be around, stay with you and work out any problems and resume like normal. Too much to ask?

It seems there are many judgements being passed subconsiously, assuming that someone will always be around, when really they shouldn't be so sure. Lessons are learnt. People realise (real-lies) Some people just aren't compatible, you can't force it. I've learnt that one.

I can't wait for the summer, to escape with friends.. a change of scenery, even just for a while, 'cos at the moment feel like i'm stuck in a fish bowl, going around in circles, same faces, same places. We need it sometimes though, familiarity to feel comfortable, but also need to expand, grow as people.

Apart from everything, there has been a silver lining. I've met an amazing man recently on FB. He's lovely, and we talk about anything and everything. It's a shame he doesn't live closer :( But i've always enjoyed long journeys with music, so look forward to meeting him :) It's a good thing we're both as sarcastic as eachother!

Moving on and up!

Title explains all. Couldn't give a f*&k about certain things anymore. No more taking things personally, i.e not caring below the surface :) Except for those that make a difference, of course.

Had a great valentines yesterday, and even though it is a commercial holiday, money making scheme - It's good to see everyone having fun, single or taken.

I feel like this blog is a load of crap now.. XD Gosh, i'm getting pretty cynical..
Ah well, that's life. Let it rock.

Weigh in: 10.5
A stone and 5 pounds to go!

80%

Not 100% yet, but making the most of it!
Feel a bit urgh still.. and slightly frustrated, but i'm sure that'll pass.
Bring on half term next week! :D
I'll post weigh in on Sunday.
Thanks to the people who are spuring me on, it's pretty amusing though, considering i've only lost half a stone so far.. Still a long road ahead for me :)

LOL.

Charming XD

ILL ILL ILL ILL

Okay i'm like WELL frustrated now, been ill for days! I don't usually get ill easily, but when i do.. Man oh man >:( Had to take day off work too.

I've not been able to eat anything today either - Total loss of appetite, which sucks.
Anyways, negative stuff aside. I had a friend come over and cheer me up today - A good ol' movie day makes the world revolve :) We had a brill time, and yeah, there were a few tears towards the end of 'A walk to remember'.. I won't lie XD

Looking forward to half-term the week after next and hoping i'll be better asap so i can get to college on Monday and see the girls :) and also to the gym!

Message to everyone: Wrap up warm!

Gah!

Yep, still ill..

Spent most of the day in bed, how lovely!
Funny thing is i've have had various guys offering to come over and cheer me up, but ironically enough this is one of those times where i need space to get better, without male attention :P

My arm band came through for my i-pod this morn, and college got cancelled because our teacher couldn't get out of her drive because of the snow (apparently) so that was that.
Just glad i didn't drive in and waste my time.

Just wanna say a Happy birthday on here to Mr Phil, and sorry i can't make it tonight!
Have a funky time :) x

*cough*

Hewo :)

Yet another snow day, and i'm sitting at home ill, it sucks. I was the day before yesterday.. Small signs of a cough but i ingored it, like ya do. Seems that my workout at the gym yesterday, and coming out after with just my t-shirt on has brought it up more :(
So now i'm stuck at home with a chesty cough, and the need to feel sick frequently. Urgh.

Anyways, apart from that, still on track and things are going well. Excelled myself yesterday on the exercise bike doing an hour and 10 minutes straight - I think it's safe to say the shower i had after was AMAZING XD

Also bumped into a few school people at the gym and one guy in particular who my brother has been talking about lately - they train together doing weights at the gym. As i went with my bro yesterday, not only did we manage to get in free (jammy) - But i also saw one of my old sport college mates, the one that my bro has been talking about all this time. He works in one of the leisure centres so trains with my bro regularly. Was nice to catch up :)

Feeling positive about everything i decided to weigh myself today, a bit earlier than scheduled to see where i'm at.
Results: 10.8 stone
Seems i've lost 4 pounds since Sunday.
I'm well pleased. If i carry on at this pace, my goal shouldn't be too far away.
But for now, i have to relax 'till my chest is a bit better.

P.s Chris, you're status about my drunkeness is dated! :D

Herro readers :D

It's day 3 of my healthy eating/training routine and so far so good. I'm really taking this seriously, not just seeing it as some sort of crash diet, which i normally would - and in turn, fail.
& truth be, i'm actually really enjoying it! I love going to the gym and training, makes you feel all energetic after and good :D

When i did sport for 2 years in college about 3 years ago, i played lots of sport and was moderately healthy, but since then, kinda didn't bother. So now's time to change all that!

To help me get motivated i got an ipod shuffle for the gym, ordered an arm band for it, and even bought glass electronic scales to help keep me on track. Extra much?!

As part of my routine, i'm weighing myself every week hoping to see steady progress.
The first weigh in for me was on Sunday. The result was bad for me, which is why i'm being so extreme about this.

I weighed in at 10.12 stone. Pretty heavy no? Well for me this is the heaviest i've been.

I wouldn't usually be so open about my weight, but the reason i am, is because i know it's gonna change, and it's extra motivation :) I'm not like obsessed with my weight or anything, but i just generally wanna lose the excess, tone and get confident again.

I'll keep you updated with it, mainly for my sake, but hey!
I shall be posting each Sunday with the results of the weigh in XD
My final target goal is 9 stone.
It'll take some time, but it's gonna happen!

Get up and go!

So, i stuck to the promise to myself and woke up today (SUNDAY) very early, got out of bed, put some clothes on, did some stretches and headed off to the gym. Now this is extremely unusual for me, as i can admit - I love my sleep, and the last thing i want to do on a Sunday is work up a sweat, but today made me realise life's better when you have something to actually wake up for.

Anyways, in the gym - Me and my gym buddy for the day underwent the exercise bike endurance test, and i won of course :D So as soon as the t-shirt is in my posession i'll be posting it up on here :P I'm sticking to a healthy eating plan and going gym 3 days a week now in order to lose weight and tone, 'cos i hate how i am at the moment!

I'm doing my own personal weekly weight diary to record changes etc. I was considering posting it on here with photos etc. But think that might be a bit too 'Weight Watchers' XD

As long as i've got my i-pod shuffle, sweatband, and some water - I'm all good to go :D
I'll keep ya updated.

P.s I found out the other day i passed my psychology test with top marks and also passed a science exam i took last week :D

Updations

Hey all :)

The past few days have been really good for me. Went to the gym yesterday, worked out 'till i was satisfied, felt better waking up this morning - Full of energy. Got my interview letter through for Hertfordshire university too, looking forward to the maths and english tests for that! :P

Although work was rather dead today, still had a nice day, and an eventful evening ;)

Gym again early tommorow for an exercise bike challenge with a friend who thinks he can endure more than me, so should be interesting - Loser buys winner a t-shirt, so i'll post a pic as soon as i receive my prize :D

Haven't seen a lot of people in ages, so will be nice to see ya's on Monday. However, i won't be participating in the 'eat off' as i'm doing the whole heathy eating thing to shed the pounds, sorry! :)

Below is a funky cover of the Beatle's 'Come Together'. Both singer and guitarist rock :D



P.s How gorgeous is he?!
Always have a thing for musical guys.. oh and vampires XD